It’s a funny thing how you’re sitting at your desk working on “work stuff” and an old friend pops up on Skype.
“Hey dude, what’s up?”
That question. Man-oh-man that question. Do I respond by telling them how I’m doing some of the most amazing work of my career? Do I talk about how my kids are absolutely amazing and teaching me new things about myself every single day? Do I respond with a simple:
“Hey there!”
Something innocuous and vague as if to say, “Please provide more context regarding the forthcoming conversation so that I may react in a socially acceptable manner.”
My life has gotten kind of amazing in the last year and as such the people that I don’t get to talk to as often as I’d like (or have access to) are the hapless victims of “gap-filling” whenever we do connect. I feel kind of bad about this because a lot of the people I know are dealing with awful situations or their lives have stagnated for whatever reason and if I tell them honestly how things are going for me it seems like bragging and I hate myself.
The anxiety thing is huge in these moments of “What’s up?” because for whatever reason I feel like I haven’t worked hard enough to deserve all the things. People are reaching out to me to catch-up or pass on leads or any number of things and this should be nothing but a good thing.
Two weeks from now I’m going to be in the grocery store and the clerk is going to make a harmless joke about the fact that I’m buying six pounds of bananas and I’m going to end up sitting in my truck with the key in the ignition, engine not started for 45 minutes of labored breathing because “I bragged about my job to Kenny on the 4th and the car payment is late and I don’t deserve all these bananas and I’m going to die bad some day.”
I need to figure out a way to mark these moments when everything comes together and someone I care about chooses to take 20 minutes out of their day to remind me that I’ve been here on Earth among humans that have noticed.